How many times a week are you asked, "How are you?"

How many times a week are you asked, "How are you?"

by Carol Eustice

"How many times a week are you asked, "How are 

you?" It seems to roll off the tongue after "Hi" or 

"Hello." Literally, "Hi, how are you?" is run together in 

such a way that you wonder if people even know 

what 

they asked, if they want a real answer or if it has just 

become a robotic greeting.

The question doesn't only come from your dear 

family and friends. People you pass on the street, 

people on the phone, just about anyone you 

encounter for any reason may toss that overused 

question at you.

We all realize that people have to say something.

 There has to be some sort of opening line; otherwise,

 we would just be nodding and grunting at each other.

 But the question feels strangely akward sometimes.

The Obligatory Question

The obligatory question really calls out for the 

obligatory response, "I'm fine" or "I'm doing well." 

That's how most people reply, even when they are not

 fine or doing well.

But to say you are doing well when you really are not

 can feel inappropriate and even annoying to people 

with chronic health conditions, such as ALS. It is 

honestly difficult to exchange pleasantries when you 

feel anything but pleasant.

The Genuinely Interested

There are people who ask the question and genuinely

 want to know how you are doing. They ask for the 

right reasons and listen to your full answer because 

they truly care. They don't try to one-up your story.

 They don't offer unsolicited, off-the-wall 

solutions. They simply care. You might expect this 

from your closest family members, but sometimes it

 can be a person you barely know who seems to care

 the most.

The Quickly Disinterested

It also seems that there are those who are interested

 in your response, but with one provision -- keep it 

short. They don't want you to say you are doing well if

 you're not -- but they aren't interested in every detail

 from your last doctor's appointment either.

If you offer too many details, the person may not fully

 understand. They may not feel comfortable asking 

you to explain. If this is the case, too much 

information can cause the other person to become 

disinterested, feel awkward or even to be sorry they 

asked.

The Bottom Line

Living with a chronic disease is challenging. It is 

helpful to recognize problems you are having and 

want to talk about how you are doing, especially when

 asked. It may be best to discuss your health to any

 significant degree within a support group or with a 

select group of people you know will understand.

If you aren't finding that select group easily, be wise

 and disclose whatever you want to your journal Yes

, on a daily basis, tell it to your journal. It's your 

outlet, yet it's private. Your journal will never shy 

away, become disinterested or disappoint you."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Thank you Carol for your insight and for putting this 

into words for me :)

It helped me to share these feelings with those of you

 who are reading this blog.