How many times a week are you asked, "How are you?"
by Carol Eustice
"How many times a week are you asked, "How are
you?" It seems to roll off the tongue after "Hi" or
"Hello." Literally, "Hi, how are you?" is run together in
such a way that you wonder if people even know
what
they asked, if they want a real answer or if it has just
become a robotic greeting.
The question doesn't only come from your dear
family and friends. People you pass on the street,
people on the phone, just about anyone you
encounter for any reason may toss that overused
question at you.
We all realize that people have to say something.
There has to be some sort of opening line; otherwise,
we would just be nodding and grunting at each other.
But the question feels strangely akward sometimes.
The Obligatory Question
The obligatory question really calls out for the
obligatory response, "I'm fine" or "I'm doing well."
That's how most people reply, even when they are not
fine or doing well.
But to say you are doing well when you really are not
can feel inappropriate and even annoying to people
with chronic health conditions, such as ALS. It is
honestly difficult to exchange pleasantries when you
feel anything but pleasant.
The Genuinely Interested
There are people who ask the question and genuinely
want to know how you are doing. They ask for the
right reasons and listen to your full answer because
they truly care. They don't try to one-up your story.
They don't offer unsolicited, off-the-wall
solutions. They simply care. You might expect this
from your closest family members, but sometimes it
can be a person you barely know who seems to care
the most.
The Quickly Disinterested
It also seems that there are those who are interested
in your response, but with one provision -- keep it
short. They don't want you to say you are doing well if
you're not -- but they aren't interested in every detail
from your last doctor's appointment either.
If you offer too many details, the person may not fully
understand. They may not feel comfortable asking
you to explain. If this is the case, too much
information can cause the other person to become
disinterested, feel awkward or even to be sorry they
asked.
The Bottom Line
Living with a chronic disease is challenging. It is
helpful to recognize problems you are having and
want to talk about how you are doing, especially when
asked. It may be best to discuss your health to any
significant degree within a support group or with a
select group of people you know will understand.
If you aren't finding that select group easily, be wise
and disclose whatever you want to your journal Yes
, on a daily basis, tell it to your journal. It's your
outlet, yet it's private. Your journal will never shy
away, become disinterested or disappoint you."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thank you Carol for your insight and for putting this
into words for me :)
It helped me to share these feelings with those of you
who are reading this blog.
